From bagley at computer.org Sat Mar 17 18:14:23 2007 From: bagley at computer.org (John D. Bagley) Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2007 20:14:23 -0500 Subject: [Humor] The Other Side of the Story Message-ID: <45FC926F.1060703@computer.org> The Other Side of the Story A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding a bus reading an Arabic newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be on the same bus,noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him: "Moshe have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read Jewish newspapers, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted; Israel being attacked; Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage; Jews living in poverty; Jews Living in fear . I became so miserable I decided to switch to the Arab newspaper. So, now what do I find? Jews own all the banks; Jews control the media; Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world... The news is so much better, I don't feel miserable any more." -- John Bagley bagley at computer.org Naperville, Illinois (630) 355-5023 From mah at mhorton.net Tue Mar 20 11:11:21 2007 From: mah at mhorton.net (Mary Ann Horton) Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:11:21 -0400 Subject: [Humor] Vanity Message-ID: <460023C9.1060608@mhorton.net> From: Wm Leler (courtesy of Yucks) A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!" While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I tell you EXACTLY how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says. "I was behind you in line at McDonald's." From mah at mhorton.net Tue Mar 20 11:14:58 2007 From: mah at mhorton.net (Mary Ann Horton) Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:14:58 -0400 Subject: [Humor] Fear The Mirror! Message-ID: <460024A2.9040005@mhorton.net> From: Lou Pellegrino (courtesy of Yucks) Fear the Mirror! Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room and they found a strange-looking gent sitting at the entrance. He said, "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be rewarded with your wish. But, be warned: if you say something FALSE, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!" The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Bill Clinton stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most intelligent of us three," and he suddenly found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands. Al Gore stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most aware of the environmental problems of us three," and in an instant, he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign. Excited over the possibility of finally having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, "I think...," and was promptly sucked into the mirror ! From mah at mhorton.net Tue Mar 20 11:12:57 2007 From: mah at mhorton.net (Mary Ann Horton) Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:12:57 -0400 Subject: [Humor] How to handle office conflicts. Message-ID: <46002429.1030602@mhorton.net> Kayla passes this one along. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ How to handle office conflicts. 15bd30b8.gif ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ** -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://lists.mhorton.net/pipermail/humor/attachments/20070320/0a137459/attachment.html -------------- next part -------------- A non-text attachment was scrubbed... Name: not available Type: image/gif Size: 127282 bytes Desc: not available Url : http://lists.mhorton.net/pipermail/humor/attachments/20070320/0a137459/attachment.gif