From mah at mhorton.net Sun Feb 18 17:43:00 2007 From: mah at mhorton.net (Mary Ann Horton) Date: Sun, 18 Feb 2007 20:43:00 -0500 Subject: [Humor] JOKE OF THE DAY Message-ID: <45D900A4.1020600@mhorton.net> From: Lou (courtesy of Yucks) LITTLE GIRL : Mommy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a penis like a peanut! MUM : You mean it's small? LITTLE GIRL : No it's salty!!! From mah at mhorton.net Sun Feb 18 17:44:46 2007 From: mah at mhorton.net (Mary Ann Horton) Date: Sun, 18 Feb 2007 20:44:46 -0500 Subject: [Humor] just lucky Message-ID: <45D9010E.2010104@mhorton.net> From: Frederick Clegg (courtesy of Yucks) Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance .. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far." From mah at mhorton.net Wed Feb 21 02:33:54 2007 From: mah at mhorton.net (Mary Ann Horton) Date: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 05:33:54 -0500 Subject: [Humor] A little Christian Humor Message-ID: <45DC2012.7090502@mhorton.net> Ramona sends this along. A little Christian Humor... Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused... They faxed... They e-mailed... They e-mailed with attachments.. They downloaded... They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports... They created labels and cards... They created charts and graphs... They did some genealogy reports.. They did every job known to man... Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was faster than hell . Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off! Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?" God just shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves"