[Humor] Republican Way of Thinking

[Mary Ann Horton]

Vote on Tuesday!

From: Frederick

  Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.....

  Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals  and Hillary 
Clinton.

  Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy
when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney
did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
"we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

  Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist,
but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
international harmony.

  A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body,
 but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting
all mankind without regulation.

  The best way to improve military morale is to praise the
troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat
pay.

  If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have
sex.

  A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time
allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

  Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but
providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and
insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

  Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but  creationism should be taught in schools.

  A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support
for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

  Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and
censoring the Internet.

     The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle
trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

  Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless
you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and
you need our prayers for your recovery.

  What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.